Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Trying to be a better blogger

I'm going to TRY to do a better job of blogging (journaling). I worry that I don't have anything funny, whitty, important or exciting to say but I've reminded myself that the reason I started this blog was to journal my journey. So, whether that journey be good or bad, boring or exciting I'm going to make a real effort to post more often.  I'm just going to state the facts.....and right now the facts are not good.

I have not weighed in 10 days or more and quite honestly I don't want to weigh because putting my jeans on this morning tells me what I already know. I have put on weight. I'm going in the wrong direction and it's my fault.  I've been on a downward spiral since Thanksgiving and so far I have not been able to kick start my weight loss.  I want carbs..............I want sugar.................I want diet (or not diet) pop........I do not want to exercise. I've totaly forgotten how to eat well for my body to be healthy!

A couple of observations that I have made:

  • I felt much more alert when I was off all of the sugar & carbs following my surgery (previous to surgery, I had a really hard time staying awake. I was always yawning and sleepy)
  • I had way more "get up and go" following my surgery.  My "get up and go has got up and gone"  I am quite content to sit and watch TV or read
  • After surgery, when I was eating according to my surgeon's guidelines, I was NOT hungry or even thinking about food all the time.  NOW, I think about food constantly!
  • When I drink lots of water I do not have as many headaches....as of late, almost every day I am having headaches
I 've been feeling a little "dirty" lately. Like I've been hiding something from all of my blogger buddies.  I've been kidding myself too, I guess.  Thinking that if I don't talk about the problem, the problem won't really be here.

Plan of action -   Well I guess one of the first things I should do is make an appointment with the dietician and get back on the plan for eating.  Maybe dig out the guidlines that I was given by the dietician prior to surgery. While I'm being honest here I've gotta say that it would be much easier to just keep doing what I've been doing....mindless eating, eating what I want when I want but if I continue to do that then I will continue to get depressed and gain weight. 

I don't think my doc will even talk to me about doing a fill until I have talked to the dietician so I'M GOING TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TODAY!
I'm going to get my head out of my butt and start make the changes that I know I need to change! And I'm praying that God will give me the strength to push on and be successful at getting this outta shape body in shape!  I can't do this on my own, of this I am certain.  I'm going to have to get honest with my family and ask them (DH and DD) to help me. I've got to be accountable to them. And I'm going to start journaling my food.....though I really hate this task!

I realize that nothing really profound has come out of this blog today but I think it was good to get it all down in writing!


  1. Good for you! The hardest time to put yourself out there (here) is when we need the help and support the most...we've all been there (or we would have been able to diet and keep the weight off, wouldn't we). Call the dietician, you know what to do, and now you're taking steps to get restarted...good job!

  2. You are doing the right thing - just writing it all down. Nothing to feel "dirty" about at all - we've all been there! How many of us have been "on" 100% since banding? Not many! Not me!

    If you are craving foods and thinking about food all the time, a fill is definitely in order. I bet once you have a little more fill things will be much easier.

    Feel better!

  3. Dont' we all have our heads in our butts to some extent. One of the things I love most about you is that you keep it real. Press on. . . you are an incredible, beautiful woman!

  4. We have all been there. Takes a lot of guts to be honest with ourselves :) Keep up the great work :)