Tom and Jerry on a Saturday morning

Wow! That brings back memories.  Xavier (almost 6 YO nephew) and Gabi (3 YO niece) spent the night last night and we are up this morning watching Tom & Jerry.  Rick is working today but so far has no calls.  (He's on call tomorrow, praying that he doesn't get any calls and so that he can go to church!!!!)  I feel motivated today to get some organizing done around the house.  My sister Rachel is here too and she's the Orginizational Queen!  Hopefully we'll get some things accomplished.  Hope everyone has a great Saturday!

Trying to be a better blogger

I'm going to TRY to do a better job of blogging (journaling). I worry that I don't have anything funny, whitty, important or exciting to say but I've reminded myself that the reason I started this blog was to journal my journey. So, whether that journey be good or bad, boring or exciting I'm going to make a real effort to post more often.  I'm just going to state the facts.....and right now the facts are not good.

I have not weighed in 10 days or more and quite honestly I don't want to weigh because putting my jeans on this morning tells me what I already know. I have put on weight. I'm going in the wrong direction and it's my fault.  I've been on a downward spiral since Thanksgiving and so far I have not been able to kick start my weight loss.  I want carbs..............I want sugar.................I want diet (or not diet) pop........I do not want to exercise. I've totaly forgotten how to eat well for my body to be healthy!

A couple of observations that I have made:

• I felt much more alert when I was off all of the sugar & carbs following my surgery (previous to surgery, I had a really hard time staying awake. I was always yawning and sleepy)
• I had way more "get up and go" following my surgery.  My "get up and go has got up and gone"  I am quite content to sit and watch TV or read
• After surgery, when I was eating according to my surgeon's guidelines, I was NOT hungry or even thinking about food all the time.  NOW, I think about food constantly!
• When I drink lots of water I do not have as many headaches....as of late, almost every day I am having headaches

I 've been feeling a little "dirty" lately. Like I've been hiding something from all of my blogger buddies.  I've been kidding myself too, I guess.  Thinking that if I don't talk about the problem, the problem won't really be here.

Plan of action -   Well I guess one of the first things I should do is make an appointment with the dietician and get back on the plan for eating.  Maybe dig out the guidlines that I was given by the dietician prior to surgery. While I'm being honest here I've gotta say that it would be much easier to just keep doing what I've been doing....mindless eating, eating what I want when I want but if I continue to do that then I will continue to get depressed and gain weight. 

I don't think my doc will even talk to me about doing a fill until I have talked to the dietician so I'M GOING TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TODAY!
I'm going to get my head out of my butt and start make the changes that I know I need to change! And I'm praying that God will give me the strength to push on and be successful at getting this outta shape body in shape!  I can't do this on my own, of this I am certain.  I'm going to have to get honest with my family and ask them (DH and DD) to help me. I've got to be accountable to them. And I'm going to start journaling my food.....though I really hate this task!

I realize that nothing really profound has come out of this blog today but I think it was good to get it all down in writing!

"Dear John"

My sweetie and I went on a date tonight.  We had dinner and saw the new movie "Dear John".  Did I like it? Well lets just say we went to WalMart as soon as the movie was over and I bought the book.  It's a real tear-jerker that's for sure.  But I think the reason I cried so hard....and my sweetie did too), is that so much of the movie was just like our own love story.  Since the first time I saw "The Notebook" (also written by Nicholas Sparks) it made me think of Ricky and I.  "Dear John" did the same thing.  A really good move and I reccommend it. Just make sure you take the Kleenex with you!

Zumba

Bekah (DD) and I went to Zumba Tuesday night.  It was fun.  The Christian church here in Greensburg holds classes in their mulit-purpose room/gym and it's free-will offering!  They have 2 classes on Tuesday nights, 2 classes on Thursday nights and 1 class on Saturday mornings.  It was fun! There were probably 75 people in the class that I went to. Almost not enough room to move.  It certainly is a workout. By the time I left there I was wishing I could move like the instructor did. Don't think I'll ever get to that point.  I plan to go again though. The hour just flew by.

I can't get out of this funk

I don't like myself right now. I'll just be real blunt about it.  I went to all the trouble and expense to have this wonderful lap band surgery and I still feel like a failure.  I am still stuck at 37-42 pounds lost (depends on what day I weigh) and have been stuck for probabably 6 weeks now.  No, I have not been exercising.....I'm lazy and No, I have not been eating as I should.  I am hungry alot and I am tired and sluggish feeling. All I can think about is eating sweets and carbs!  What is wrong with me. Why can't I shake this?

I am going to Zumba tonight come hell or high water so maybe that will make me feel a little better. Who knows!?!

Okay, just had to get that off my chest.  Thanks for listening.

Sarah