Busy, busy

Wow, it's been a whole week since I posted on here. I am sorry! I have been really busy with work & home. We took the kids to Holiday World/Splashing Saffari yesterday and I am still exhausted from that. What a great day we had although eating healthy was impossible there.

I'm basically posting this tonight just to let you all know (however many people actually read this) that I have not forgotten about my blog. I just haven't had time to work on it. Hopefully this week I will do better.

Thanks for checking in!

Kind of a sad evening

Tonight we had a going away party at my sister's house for her son, my oldest nephew, who leaves for college on Tuesday! Where did the last 19 years go? I remember the day he was born. I remember rocking him to sleep. I remember changing his diapers. Somebody put the brakes on.....time is flying by way too fast! I am so proud of him though. He graduated 3rd in his class, received multiple scholarships and is going to Indiana University. He tried out for the cheer squad and made it!!!! He is an awesome tumbler! When he was little I would always say to him, "Are you my Sugar Baby?" and he would say "yes". Then I would say, "Will you always be my Sugar Baby?" and he would smile and say "yes". I ask him those two questions tonight and he STILL answered "YES" to both of them.

However, the going away party was not good for my "diet". We had some great food though I did not overeat which felt good. We sat around a bonfire and I had to have at least a couple of roasted marshmallows. But probably should not have eaten the piece of apple pie! UGGHHH! Ready for that fill!!!!!!!

I almost forgot....

....to post a comment about my "weight loss". Let's just say that right now it's NOT happening! I've put back on 3 of the 19 pounds I had lost since surgery. I'm trying to not be frustrated but it's hard. I do know that I won't be losing much more weight until I get my first fill. If I haven't explained it before, a fill is when the doc will put a small amount of saline into my band, using the port sewn into my abdomen wall. The saline will make my band tighter around the top of my stomach. This makes my new stomach smaller so I won't be as hungry as often! And when I do eat it will help me to stay full longer. Below, is a picture of what the lap band looks like as well as a decription of the lap bad I pulled off of www.lapband.com

This option restricts how much the stomach
can hold by placing an adjustable band
around the upper part of the stomach.
There is no cutting or stapling needed to
divide the upper stomach pouch from the
lower stomach. The result is you take in
less food. But unlike stomach stapling,
the LAP-BAND® System can be adjusted
to suit your situation and can be removed
if necessary.
The LAP-BAND® System uses new surgical
technology to help you lose weight by
reducing how much your stomach can hold
and lengthening the feeling of being full.

....and the story continues

Okay, so my hubby read the blog and he thinks that I left out an important part of our story. He would like for me to share the story of our first kiss. I should have known he was a KEEPER when we were on the front porch of my parent's house saying goodnight, he looks at me and says, "I'd like to kiss you...is that okay?" Of course I said "YES". It was fireworks when he kissed me and afterwards he looked at me and I looked at him and we both smiled and then he kissed me again! Isn't that so sweet! He's the only boy that ever asked first if he could kiss me (not that I had a bunch of boys beating the door down to kiss me but .....well, anyway).

(Blast from the past.......pictures from my Senior Year)

So, back to the story where I left off. I wrote him a Dear John letter (in August) while he was in Germany. Looking back now I can't believe that I was that cruel. I don't know what was wrong with me. That part of my life and the two years that followed it I have a hard time remembering. Ricky says it's my brain's way of trying to protect me from (some of) the not so nice things that happened to me during that time. I wrote him the letter and all he could do was write letters back. As I mentioned in my previous post, he was not able to call me on the phone at that time. So written correspondence was all we had. We actually continued to write back and forth for quite a while. We continued to tell each other that we loved each other but I had already been sucked into a BAD relationship (that scarred me for life) and I thought I was doing the right thing, thought this other guy loved me, blah, blah, blah.....

In November of that year Rick totally surprised me by showing up at my parent's house on a Friday. He was in Germany and he shows up in Greensburg!!!! Meanwhile, I am 3 hours from home at college (Vincennes, IN). It just so happen that I was coming home for a visit that weekend but Rick didn't know that and to top it all off....guess who my ride home from college was? The guy that I was dating at the time! I happened to call my dad before leaving Vincennes, why I don't know but I called...mind you, this is before cell phones so it wasn't like my dad could just call me! Anyway, I call my dad, tell him we are about to head home and he says, "Rick is here"....SAY WHAT???? I would find out later that he had escorted prisoners home from Manheim, Germany. He took a month's worth of leave to come to Indiana to try to straighten things out with me. I arrived home LATE that night to find that Rick had been there all day waiting on me and visiting with my parents.

I would like to be able to tell you that when I came in the house and saw Rick standing there that I begged him for forgiveness and we lived happily ever after but NO.......I was not that smart. Instead I greeted him with attitude, questioning him why he was here and then proceeded to not listen to him try and tell me why he was there. After less than a half hour of talking I watched him drive away. And I didn't see him again for 20 years.

Okay, I know you are thinking it, go ahead and say it, "Girl, you have no heart!" Yup, that's what I think now too! At the time I was not myself and I'm not just saying that as a cop out. Now, all these years later when Rick and I talk about that crazy, mixed up time in my life he tells me, "I don't know who you were then but your were not my Sweet Pea" and I have to agree. Maybe it is good that I can't remember everything about that time in my life but it is frustrating to not remember why you hurt someone that you love and care about so very much? I have so many questions most of which cannot be answered.

Next time.......how we reconnected 20 years later.

Who is Sweet Pea?

Even if nobody reads my blog at least it will be a diary for me to document milestones in my journey of weight loss.

So, I thought it appropriate that I introduce myself and explain who "Sweet Pea" is. It's probably obvious that I am Sweet Pea. How did I become Sweet Pea? Well, that brings me to the picture posted here (left). That's me....in the midddle, April of 1985. The three of us in the pic were celebrating birthdays at a party a mutual friend threw for us all. For me it was my 16th birthday. That also happened to be the night that I met my now husband, Rick. He and I dated for 2 years back then and he is the one that first called me Sweet Pea. He came to the party that cold, wet April night with a friend of mine. We met and I would like to say the rest is history....but it didn't work out that way.

If you don't want to hear a love story then you might want to skip this paragraph....fair warning to you! He was soon to be 18 the night we met and I thought he was cute but since he was not from around here (small, country town where I was born and raised)...he was a city boy and he was older, I didn't think much about him other than he was cute and polite. Well the next few days/weeks that followed he stuck around and stayed with our mutual friend (the guy that brought Rick to the party). We got to know each other and about a month after that night we met we started dating. One problem though......he was leaving in a month for Basic Training (Army). Turns out he had enlisted just a few days before meeting me at my birthday party. So, he and I were inseperable for the next month. He was at my house as often as he could be. He made me laugh....ALL the time! He treated me differently than other guys had. I was hooked! And let me tell you that when he left for Basic Training I was not a happy camper! We wrote letters and got to know each other even better while he was gone. When he was on leave after Basic Training we again were inseperable. When he was home on leave in December that year (we'd been dating about 6 months) his Christmas gift to me was a beautiful First Promise Ring. (I later found out that weeks earlier he had written a letter to my dad asking permission to give me the ring and telling my dad how he felt about me). Everytime I had to say goodbye to him I was miserable. He eventually was stationed at Fort Collins, Colorado Springs, CO and for my senior trip my parent's took me to CO to see him. I'm pretty sure they knew that I thought he was THE ONE for me. (Below is a picture of Rick and I saying goodbye when I visited him in CO)

In February of 1987, after a month of having him on leave, he was set to go to Germany for TWO YEARS! (BELOW picture is he and I at the Indianpolis International Airport on the day he left gor Germany. Can you tell that neither one of us was happy?) This is not a great picture I realize that but it's the only picture I have of that day! It was a gut wrenching day for both of us. Little did we know that our lives would never be the same.

While he was in Germany, I was finishing up my Senior year of High School and preparing for college. Rick and I had talked many times about getting married, me coming to Germany when I graduated H.S., etc. but of course back home I was hearing "you are so young, you don't know what you want, you don't need to be tied down, give yourself some time, blah, blah, blah!!!" I was very confused during this time of my life and to further complicate things, Rick and I could only communicate via snail mail (yeah, can you believe it....there was no Internet or email back then!) He couldn't even call me on the phone!!!! So I went to college thinking that I needed to make sure that he was THE ONE. I wrote him a letter and told him that I felt we should date around just to be sure.....interesting note here....I would find out years later that the same day that he received my letter in Germany, he had written me a letter asking me to marry him!

I felt horrible sending him a "Dear John" letter but again I was so confused! So without boring you and going into all of the boring details now, we broke up, I dated a couple of guys in college and after dating my former husb for 2 years we were married. We were never happy. I think that we both settled and that's another long story that I won't even start on. Anyway, he and I were married for 17 years before we divorced.

I think I've went on long enough for tonight. I'll have to finish more later on how this story ends up....LOL. But just for a preview check out the picture posted below. That's Rick and I on our wedding day, June 7, 2008!

My top 10

I thought it would be fun to post the top things I want to do after I am at a healthier weight!


10. Run & play with my kids but not be huffing & puffing
afterwards.
9. Wear shorts and not be embarrassed.
8. Walk up a flight of stairs and not be short of breath
7. Leave the lights on ......if ya know what I mean!
6. Sit on my hubby's lap and not worry about hurting him
5. Shave my legs/paint toe nails without straining
4. Buy a sexy sundress and wear it for my husband (his
request)
3. Find myself in more family photos instead of BEHIND the
camera all the time.
2. Have one of those old fashioned "bar maid" pictures made
for my hubby to drool over.
1. Stop being a wall flower because I am uncomforable with
how I look.

Tonight Rick, Bekah and I took a nice walk. Would have walked longer but it is HOT here! I'm ready for Fall which is my favorite time of the year.

Two more days and I'll be two weeks post-op. I'm feeling good though I am hungry more and more. Two ounces of food three times a day is not much food. I am still amazed at how little I am eating. It will probably be a month or so before my first fill which will give me more restriction and help with the hunger thing. I'm still a little sore around my port site which is certainly to be expected considering the dr. sewed the port to the inside of my abdomen wall. But, it's much better than it was initially. I'm down 17 pounds but I'm a little disappointed that I can't even tell by looks or by the fit of my clothes that I am losing. I'm just anxious for someone to see me and notice that I've lost weight.

I'm finally starting to "enjoy" my protein shakes. I'm sipping my second one for the day. They are going down much easier now....thank goodness. I'm supposed to drink two 16 oz. shakes a day. Because I am eating such small amounts of food right now the protein shakes provide the protein that I need to heal properly and stay healthy!

I love the weekends

I wish every day could be the weekend....think we could work that out? I wish!

Last night was date night for Ricky and I. We went to the movies to see "The Time Travler's Wife". WOW...was it a tear-jerker. The place was almost packed and I bet you everyone in there was crying. I know that Rick & I did. It was a good movie but I'm not into SAD movies anymore. I've had enough sadness! When I watch a movie I want to feel good when it's over. I felt like I'd been run over by a truck when we lef the movies last night. Not a good feeling!

Today was a fun family day. We went to my mother-in-law's house for a cookout and game playing. Father-in-law came over too and of course Tony (bro-in-law) was there too. We played a serious came of Monopoly with Bekah and she beat all five of us adults! Eucher and Rummy was also played while I checked out the backs of my eyelids....I really needed that.

I weighed in this AM....down 1 more pound for a total of 17 pounds lost since 8/4. Not too shabby I guess!

Not much else going on and I'm ready for bed. Nite!

Grumpiness ran me over

I was having a really good day today! The sun was shining, things were going well at work, I weighed this morning (DOWN 16 #'s!!!!!!!) but suddenly, out of nowhere about 4 PM......GRUMPINESS hit me! And I don't know why. My DH got home from work and immediately noticed it. He asked me what was wrong and I told him I honestly didn't know. I said, "I am definately aggitated and I don't know why." Very puzzling but I am going to chalk it up to the fact that I stayed up until midnight last night and got up at 6AM this morning. I'm tired!

Oh, but before I go to bed I'll let you in on a little secret....ssshhhhhhh! Don't tell my DH!! I emailed him yesterday and told him that I had made plans for he and I Friday night, don't ask questions, just make sure you are home from work NO LATER than 7PM!. He's been a good boy and he has not asked any questions though I know that it's killing him. My plan is that he and I will go out for a quick bite to eat and then to the movies to see the newly released "The Time Traveler's Wife". It's written by Nicholas Sparks (author of "The Notebook" which happens to OUR favorite movie. It's the story of our life!) Anyway, I'm so excited to go have a date with my sweetie and to surprise him about the movie.

Sweet dreams!

It's getting better

Today I feel more like ME! And my DH just told me that he can tell I am feeling better. YEAH! I'm feelig better physically and mentally. I was able to get down the whole 32 oz of my protein shake! I as not crazy hungry all day like the past couple days! I ate dinner with the family. Yummy.....Bekah cooked dinner (scrammbled eggs and sausage - I picked out alot of the sausage). After dinner Bekah and I went for a 1/2 hour walk. She is such an encourager for her mommy!

Thank you Lord for another wonderful day and for giving me renewed strength just exactly when I needed it.

Sorry it so short, but I'm off to bed.

Before I hit the hay....6 days post op

From what I have heard and read most people say that the first two weeks are the hardest! I'm praying that they are right....tomorrow I will be halfway through. I'm still struggling with the required 32 oz per day of protein shake. Today I did manage to get down 16 oz and I am proud of myself. Tomorrow I will try to do 16 oz plus!! I drank a total of 46 oz of fluid, which is another issue I am having. I have never been a big drinker so I am having to MAKE myself conciously drink. I did get on my treadmill today for 10 minutes instead of walking outside....it is TOO HOT and humid to be walking outside today. I must say, I prefer to walk outside!

I have to put a little "plug" in here for my 8 year old daughter and my dear hubby. Bekah has been such an encourager and a little "nurse maid". She's very mindful of what Mommy is doing and she asks lots of questions. Tonight she asked for a drink out of my water bottle then she looked at me and said, "Oh, are you keeping track of what you drink. Should I not drink." I assured her that one drink would not matter. She is such a caring little girl. And as for my DH....what would I do without him? He is my rock! He's always encouraging me and trying to make things easier for me. I am so thankful that God gave him back to me.

Speaking of God...duh! I can't sign off without saying how important my relationship with him is to me and this endeavor. I am struggling with depression, doubts, fears and I must admit that I have been busily plugging along, not really even conversing with God about it. I am convicted tonight how wrong I am in that. I know better than that. But thankfully, even when I am failing Him and not giving Him the time and relationship He deserves, HE never leaves me! He continually woo's me. Thanks Daddy for never giving up on me! I promise to work on giving you MORE of the time that You deserve!

6 days post-op

Today is the first day that I have felt like posting. I'm not doing very well with my goal of posting daily! Hopefully the futher out from my surgery date I get the better I will do.

We my surgery went very well (on Tuesday, 8/4). I spent one night in the hospital. DH stayed with me. I was up and walking within 2 hours of being brought up to my room. When my feet first hit the floor....OUCH but not nearly as bad as when I had my hyseterectomy 10 years ago. I walked at LEAST every two hours while I was in the hosptial (sometimes hourly). The more you walk the better you feel and it helps with the gas pain from surgery.

I was released shortly after noon on Wednesday the 5th. We made the hour long drive home, I slept most of the way. It felt good to be home. I relaxed in the Lazy Boy the rest of the day/night, dozing off and on.

Thursday, DH went back to work. I spent most of the day in the chair again. Getting up every couple of hours to walk, go to the bathroom. Still taking the prescription narccotics so I was pretty groggy.

Friday I had had enough of the drugs. Switched to liquid Extra Strentgh Tylenol and did very well.

Saturday the depression hit me and I was just sure it wasn't going to happen to me but it did. Part of my problem was that DH was going to have to leave on Sunday for a week long business trip out of state. I was paniced thinking of how could I take care of me and take care of DD, go back to work and get DD ready for back to school.

After a few tense hours, DH's boss said "family first" and cancel the trip! Yeah, I immediately felt better. Slept good that night.

Sunday, lazed around. DD came home from her dad's house. We went to my parent's house for a change of scenery. My dad cooked out on the grill. Though I am supposed to be on full liquids until tomorrow (Tuesday) I was having a really rough time of it. I spoke to my BFF who had lap band done 2 years ago. She said EAT something with flavor! So I ate tiny amounts of green beans, sweet potatoe, cottage cheese and ground beef. It went well though a couple of hours after eating I felt bloated and miserable. Figure that I may have overdone it or eaten to fast or whatever??? It's a learning process.

Today I am 6 days post-op and DUH this whole experience has been much harder than I anticipated. Even though I heard over and over that "it's not going to be easy" and "don't be surprised if you go thru a bit of depression"....yeah right! I thought NOT ME! But I was wrong. The past 2 days have been particularly hard on me, physically and emotionally. I guess physically because I'm NOT 20 anymore and I forget it takes longer for me to heal! Emotionally for several reasons. One being that I keep thinking "Did I make a mistake doing this surgery?", "Am I ever going to feel back to normal", "What if I fail", etc.

I am back to work today (office job) and that truly has helped. I still just feel a little BLAH!

I continue to be discouraged because I can't get my daily fluids in and I HATE the protein shake. I have yet to get the 32 oz daily recommended amount in. While I am complaining, I hate the children's chewable vitamin (I gagged on it this AM)!

Oh one more thing.....I am hungry alot! Can't wait for that first fill but who knows when that will be. My post-op appt. is 9/3.

Last Minute Jitters

Tomorrow is the big day and to say I am freaking out is putting it mildly. It's 9:30PM, I have to get up at 5:30AM and I have still not packed my bag for the hospital. So, this will be short and sweet. I am nervous. having the "normal" pre-surgery jitters I suppose. I've had at least 5 previous surgeries so I know what to expect...maybe that's my problem. I'm not looking forward to the pain of course. And then there is the thought "what if Idon't wake up"....it was hard letting Bekah go tonight (went to spend the night with her dad). I kept wanting to kiss her and hug her just one last time. I won't allow myself to continue thinking about that. God is in control and I don't say that lightly. I know that no matter what HE will take care of everything. So, I'm off to back my bag and go to bed with the peaceful assurance that all is well!

Getting Nervous

It's Sunday night, work tomorrow and then Tuesday is my big surgery day! I will be going with my sweet hubby to the hospital early Tuesday morning for lap band surgery (weight loss). We have to be at the hospital at 7:30 AM for my 10:00 AM surgery. I am fortunate that I have to had to do the pre-op diet that so many others going thru this journey with me (www.lapbandtalk.com check out the August 2009 Bandsters) have had to do. Tomorrow I will go to work and then be off the rest of the week for rest and recouperation. I still have to go to the store and get the necessary foods for my new way of eating, pack for Bekah to go to her dad's and pack what Ricky and I need for the hospital. Oh, and get a good nights sleep. So, I'd better log off for tonight.